


All The Crazy Married People

by Cinaed



Category: How I Met Your Mother, The Office (US)
Genre: Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Crossover, First Meetings, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-28
Updated: 2008-08-28
Packaged: 2017-10-07 23:06:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/70197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinaed/pseuds/Cinaed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At James's wedding, Gil wonders why he was invited. Oscar just wonders why they came.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All The Crazy Married People

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks go out to musical_junkie and theonlytwin for beta-reading this for me. The title comes from "Side by Side" from the musical Company. Spoilers up to 2x10 "Single Stamina" for HIMYM and 3x01 "Gay Witch Hunt" for The Office.

  


_Here is the church,  
Here is the steeple,  
Open the doors  
And see all the crazy married people._

When Gil gets the invitation to the wedding of James Stinson, he looks at it for a long moment, his expression blank. He holds the invitation almost gingerly, as though it’s hot to the touch and hurts to handle. 

Oscar tries and fails to guess what emotion’s tucked away behind that impassive mask, but when Gil sends back a note saying congratulations and that he’ll be attending with a guest, Oscar figures it’s safe to assume that Gil isn’t too upset about his ex getting married. 

The wedding’s set for a Saturday, so when that Thursday rolls around, Oscar fakes being ill and goes home an hour early. He would use vacation days, but those three months in Europe had eaten up his vacation time, so he settles for using some sick days instead. Right before he goes to bed, he leaves a message on the office’s answering machine, claiming he’s sick and will be out Friday and maybe Monday, he’ll be sure to let them know. He’s not too worried. They won’t call him on it, even if Michael sends Dwight to investigate. Again. 

Besides, by spending the entire weekend in New York, he and Gil can enjoy the sights and visit a couple of the museums. Gil’s been making unhappy noises lately about Scranton’s lack of art, theater, anything fun and interesting, really, and perhaps a purview of New York art will appease him. 

That or it’ll increase Gil’s growing dissatisfaction with Scranton and make him start urging Oscar to quit his job so they can move to New York City. Oscar figures that the chances of this romantic gesture backfiring on him are fifty-fifty. 

**  
** 

He doesn’t know what to expect of James—oh, Gil’s mentioned him before, but only briefly. They dated for a couple months, and then Gil fell for an up-and-coming artist and moved to the west coast for a couple years before winding up in _Scranton_ of all places. (Gil has always been a little vague about the details when it came to explaining how he wound up in Pennsylvania.) 

Still, Oscar knows that he wasn’t expecting a guy who would be comfortable playing quarterback for the New York Giants. James can’t quit smiling, looking half-drunk with happiness, one arm slung around his husband’s shoulders and the other resting on the crib of their son. 

Tom’s parents are sitting at the table adjacent to the happy grooms and Oscar notes Tom’s father looks a little teary-eyed. He wonders what his parents would say if he told them that he and Gil were getting married. The thought puckers his mouth like he’s bitten into a lemon, and Gil shoots him a concerned look. 

“I’m fine,” Oscar assures him, forcing sincerity into his voice. He sneaks a sip of his drink when Gil shrugs and looks toward the best man, who’s just gotten to his feet and raised his flute of champagne. 

After the best man speech and once James and Tom have danced their first dance together as husband and, well, husband, Gil turns so that his mouth is almost touching Oscar’s ear and whispers, “I need to talk to James. You’ll be okay on your own, right?” He gets up before Oscar can answer and starts toward where the happy couple is chatting with Tom’s parents. 

Oscar stares at the tension in Gil’s shoulders and suspects that Gil might be more upset about James’s marriage than he originally thought. He glances around, reminded again that he knows no one here. He needs another drink. 

It’s early enough that most people are busy dancing, so Oscar gets his drink from the bartender fairly quickly. Then he turns to watch as Gil reaches James and Tom. Oscar can’t see Gil’s expression, but he sees clearly how James’s smile falters for an instant and then turns a megawatt brighter. Almost too bright, but that could just be Oscar’s inner cynic and paranoid talking. 

James laughs, though, says something to Tom that makes the other man look amused as he shakes Gil’s hand, so maybe he needs to relax and not assume the worst—get out of the Dunder-Mifflin disaster mindset. 

“Want to dance?” someone asks, and Oscar blinks and tears his gaze long enough from James and Gil to look at the smiling woman next to him. She’s still flushed from the last dance, and there’s a friendly curve to her mouth. 

“Oh, um, I was—” he begins, fumbling for an excuse. He glances back toward Gil, but now a group of dancers have blocked his line of sight. “That is—”

The woman laughs a little. “Right, I get it. Care for a dance with my friend Ted then?” She gestures toward the tall man next to her, who looks startled for a moment and then protests, “Robin, the second rule of attending weddings is no pimping me out to strangers!” 

Despite his discomfort and the growing suspicion that curiosity is about to kill the cat or at least bruise it a little, Oscar can’t help but ask, “What’s the first rule?” 

“Don’t let Barney convince me to do anything unequivocally stupid,” Ted says and Robin smirks a little and nods in agreement. 

Oscar’s about to ask who Barney is when another man bounds over to them and flings an arm around Ted’s shoulders. Ted doesn’t even flinch, just sort of sighs, a quiet sound of resignation, and says, “Yes, Barney?” 

“Ted, Ted, Ted,” Barney moans, voice doleful and expression tragic. Oscar thinks he might be the best man, but he’s not entirely sure.

Ted shoots Robin a puzzled look, and when she shrugs, clears his throat and asks, “Is something wrong?” 

“Is something wrong? Is something _wrong_? I have learned gay weddings are evil.” Barney pauses, takes in a deep breath, and then lets it out slowly, as though he’s reluctant to even explain his reasoning. At last though, he makes a sad little noise and says, “There are no bridesmaids, Ted. None. Zilch. Zero—”

“We get it,” Robin interrupts, wearing a tolerant smile. “No bridesmaids for you to seduce. Truly, gay weddings are the work of the devil.” Her voice is devoid of any emotion, but her eyes are amused when Oscar looks at her. 

“How am I supposed to enjoy this wedding now?” Barney demands. 

“Maybe you could enjoy the fact that your brother is now happily married?” Ted suggests. He doesn’t look surprised when Barney makes a face and says, “_Please_. I’ll have you know—” 

Barney pauses, and later Oscar will swear to Gil that the man’s head jerked up like a bloodhound catching scent of a fox. “Wait, I hear a girl sobbing. With any luck, she’s devastated over James or Tom’s lack of heterosexuality and needs someone to remind her that there are still straight, attractive, single men out there.” 

Robin mutters something up under her breath that doesn’t sound complimentary, shaking her head.

Barney just grins at her and vanishes into the crowd, apparently in pursuit of the crying girl. 

“I suddenly understand the first rule,” Oscar deadpans, and both Robin and Ted grin. 

“So, want to dance anyway?” Robin asks. 

Oscar’s gaze turns again in Gil’s direction, but he still can’t be seen through the throng. He shrugs after a moment of silence and sets his drink down on the bar. “Sure.” Anything is better than hanging around, waiting for Gil to finish chatting up his ex. 

He takes Robin’s hand, which is warm and smooth in his, and escorts her onto the dance floor. The song has a fast tempo and reminds Oscar of a salsa. Soon he’s out of breath but laughing a little, Robin smiling back at him as she takes the lead, maneuvering him across the dance floor with a style he can’t help but admire. 

They spin together and he catches sight of Barney, consoling a girl with mascara stains on her cheeks. She reminds him a little of Kelly after she and Ryan have had one of their weekly (all right, daily) screaming matches, and he frowns. 

Robin follows his gaze and her smile turns crooked. There’s a flicker, too, of something in her face that Oscar can’t quite name, but it’s just the barest flicker, enough that Oscar wonders if he actually saw it in the first place. “Rule number three of attending a wedding,” she says dryly. “Don’t go home with Barney.” 

Oscar glances in Ted’s direction, who’s standing aimlessly at the bar, nursing a drink, and raises an eyebrow. “Is that a rule for you _and_ Ted?” he asks, equally dry, and Robin laughs like he’s just said one of the funniest things she’s ever heard. 

“No.” She pauses and looks thoughtful, pursing her lips. “Though there _was_ that time that—” But her story, which sounds like it’s going to be fascinating, doesn’t get told, because she’s interrupted by Gil’s effusive, “Oscar! We’ve been looking for you. I wanted to introduce you to James and Tom.” 

Oscar immediately forgets how to smile. The muscles in his face feel awkward and almost numb and he can barely coax the corners of his mouth into a weak smile. He suspects his grin is lopsided. “Hello,” he says, releasing Robin and extending a hand first to James and then to Tom. “Oscar Martinez. It’s nice to meet you both.” 

James has a powerful handshake and an even more powerful laugh. “Nice to meet you too, Oscar. Gil’s been telling us a bit about you.” 

“Oh,” Oscar says weakly, wondering what exactly Gil has been saying. After all, no one in history has ever bragged about having an accountant for a boyfriend. “That’s…nice.” He wishes he were back in Scranton, at his desk, enduring Angela’s latest catty remark and reminding Kevin that he’s put his shirt on inside-out for the third time that week. At least the office is familiar territory. Here, he feels like he’s got quicksand under his feet. “I’ve heard a lot about you too.” 

“Really,” James says, something flashing in his eyes.

Next to him, Tom coughs, and when Oscar looks at him, he sees sympathy and good-natured humor in the other man’s face. “Why don’t I show off our son to Oscar? He’s one of the few people at the wedding I haven’t had a chance to brag to yet,” he says and takes Oscar’s arm, smiling at him. 

“It was nice meeting you, Oscar,” Robin says and Oscar shoots her a small smile. He really would have liked to hear Robin’s story of Barney and Ted, but he senses that’s a story that he’ll never hear. 

He allows Tom to lead him over to the bassinette, where the baby is half-asleep. 

“Sorry about that,” Tom murmurs to him. “You looked like you were preparing yourself for a firing squad and I figured you’d be glad to escape James and Gil’s juvenile pissing contest.” He grabs a full glass of champagne from the nearest table and thrusts it into Oscar’s hand, adding brightly, “So, you’re an accountant?” 

“Yes,” Oscar says and takes a desperate swallow of his drink. His wandering gaze lands upon Barney and the girl, just in time to see her wrap her arms around Barney’s neck and nearly choke the life from him. “Do you know Barney well?” 

Tom laughs. “So you’ve already met him then.” He looks over at Barney and shakes his head. Oscar can’t read his expression, Disapproval, perhaps, or rueful amusement. “He’s James’s half-brother,” he says, as though that explains everything, and maybe it does. Tom can’t exactly avoid the man. 

It was definitely time for a change in topic. “Where are you and James going for your honeymoon?” 

Tom’s expression lights up and he begins to gush about this charming little villa in Italy James stumbled upon. 

It’s actually one of the places Oscar and Gil visited during those three months, and he finds himself offering Tom tips on places to visit and restaurants he and Gil enjoyed. It’s an engaging conversation, and he feels his tense muscles relax. 

He almost forgets about Gil and James’s “pissing contest” until Gil comes over and takes his arm. 

“Dance with me?” Gil says. It’s not quite a request, but there’s a hint of a plea in his voice, and his grip on Oscar’s arm is light and uncertain. Is he regretting throwing Oscar to the wolves? Or does he simply want to show James that he isn’t going to die alone and unloved? 

Whatever Gil’s reasoning, Oscar nods his agreement and Gil draws him onto the dance floor. It’s a slow song and Oscar lets his thoughts slow down, draw out. He thinks about many things: tomorrow in the city, the long drive back to Scranton, the conversation he and Gil are going to have to have about James and unresolved feelings. 

Right now, though, he just closes his eyes and sways to the music, the aftertaste of champagne lingering in his mouth.

  



End file.
